Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize