Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
