Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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