You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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