How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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