Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish my penis had a tongue
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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