I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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