I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
