We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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