I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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