sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
this will be a night to untag.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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