I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
