Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dick very happy bro
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
