it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
