Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
