just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Are we still banned from the library?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
