I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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