Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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