dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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