it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
