Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
