What did we do last night that was yellow?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
