My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
