we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
