I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize