i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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