she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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