didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
