Sober January is a disaster.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
