All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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