Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
