Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
