god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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