Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
