I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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