meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
