i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
