I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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