Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize