i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
