apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
