So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
