Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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