I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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