and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
