I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize