once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
