how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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