Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
