I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My penis needs a shock collar
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
