Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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