I need to stop coming to work sober
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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