I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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