i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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