i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
