you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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