The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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