Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Randomize
