i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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