i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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