you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
