oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
