I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
