so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
